Hiraeth

(n)  homesickness for a home which you cannot return, a home which may never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past.

as i sip my tea in my balcony,

sometimes my mind wanders around to the past

as i look towards the vast ocean of the sky;

where he stands, his hands relaxing on the balcony bars

him looking at me and saying for the 500the time,

“stop slurping, babe” while holding his own tea-mug

and his usual fixated scowl on his face

towards me;

how every time he stopped me

whenever i wished to talked or

talked with his friends;

how he left my hand when his female

friends were around;

how you left me alone even though you were right beside?

Blinking with a smile and breathing through the air with

vast ocean of sky ahead of me

in my apartment,

i smile over towards the stretched city

i thought it was the nostalgia, the hireath one says sadly

if you thought of such things..

no.

this longing i feel is because

how i longed to get myself back, where i lost myself in him

wish it could have been sooner

sooner than the time i left you

i am happy now

slurping my cup of tea cheerily

Featured post

You don’t know where you are at in your story and it’s okay

Am I going through blank pages of my novel or writing every day a new chapter to my life?
To be honest, it felt like my pen had slipped off from my hand and someone unknown had picked it up and had started writing my story.
Less thinking, more drinking to lesser my overthinking, resulting in somewhat boring plots in my story. This was the routine,
Am I really the main character of my own life?
Then what is this main character doing?
Where am I in my story? Where have I headed? The roads ahead I can’t seem to see nor I wanted to think about. It was just me dragging myself to the unknown; too tired or too lazy to think of what lies ahead of me or what I wanted to create for myself.
Pondering myself to the character I wanted to be, I was still nowhere near her. And it felt like a distant dream in my story.
This leads to another self-depreciative question.
Will my story ever be complete? Or even will I reach half of it? Will someone be interested to be included within those chapters or would want to be highlighted parts in my story to come back to again and again?
What if some people could be those bookmarks that will make me remember am I on the right path? Or will it be just me to bookmark my journey towards the end alone?
Who will be with me till the end? Where will I be in the end? What am I going to do till the end?
I still don’t know yet.
I still don’t know what is going in my current chapter or how much time it will take to reach the next chapter of my life.
But what I do know is I can’t give my pen to someone else to write those sentences or chapters for me.

            Why be silent when you could speak up?

“Do not be silent; there is no limit to the power that may be released through you.”

― Howard Thurman, Deep Is the Hunger

 

The day which taught me to speak up even for a little thing.

 

Back in September 2018, I had an internship where I normally used to leave my place of work at around 7 or 8 in the evening. No matter the timing, the trains of Mumbai are always crowded and it feels like more than half of Mumbai’s people are trying to fit in one train and hurry back to their homes. Fortunately, enough I got a place to sit as the lady was getting down the next stop. Don’t even get me started on sitting rules work in the ladies’ compartment. I had a 30 minutes ride to reach my town.  I could smell the irritation, tension, worries and only a few faces of the joy of women almost every day. Instead of being on the phone and scrolling through Instagram I listen to music and observe people every time I travel through train. You can say a lot from people’s facial expression on how their day went and how they behave around others.

A lady got on and noticed that there was a place to sit which was exactly in front of me. She asked people to adjust a little and give her space.

Only one woman didn’t adjust a bit who was sitting at the window seat to my left side. She was actually sitting in a relaxed position occupying most of the space. The little girl next to her asked her gently to adjust a little.  She didn’t even budge and sat as if she owns the train. The nerve.

The woman who was trying to sit and trying to adjust became irritated and with a little frustrated voice, she asked, “  Kya aap thikse beth sakhte ho dusre logo ki tarah? Aap jaise bethe ho uske vajah se mujhe bethne nahi milra. [ Could you please sit properly like others? The way you are sitting occupies the most space.”]

The lady ignored her. Even the little girl beside her told her to sit like other women as it can help sit others comfortably. She pretended as if she actually sat properly but didn’t. The little girl said again and now she started yelling at her.

While this was going on, I noticed she had a little bag kept by her side which she was hiding with her dupatta. No one seemed to notice the bag I guess or they were not telling her because she might just start scowling and yelling at them.

I thought I’ll tell her to take the bag and keep it down but then again, she went back to the previous position, leaving the girl and woman more irritated who was struggling to sit. They told her furiously to understand the situation.

She yelled back and told them “Mein aisehi bethungi. Meri marzi mei kaise bhi bethu. Aapko jo karna he kijiye.”  [I will sit like this. It’s my will to sit however I want. Do whatever you want to do.”]

I decided not to tell her to keep the bag down just to avoid a fight or yelling to each other.

And the lady struggling to sit just gave up and stood. I could see her face was so tired and she seemed so exhausted.

I reached my destination and after I got down, I felt something in my stomach, maybe guilt.

I went home trying to contemplate on why didn’t I just tell the lady to keep the bag down? Why was everyone shut up about it?

I understood it was not a huge problem but it felt like this discovered many more answers to me and how I was thinking about the situation.

I finally understood. I got afraid and backed out just to avoid a fight and raise my voice.

 

You must be thinking why did I feel a sense of guilt for such a small thing?

Or some of you must be thinking “Why didn’t I speak up”?

I asked me the same questions you are thinking of right now.

Why couldn’t I speak up? Or should I for such a small matter?

Yes, ignorance is bliss but not when something wrong is happening right in front of my eyes.

There’s a difference when it comes to being ignorant when it is not your business and being aware if something is deep shit wrong in your surroundings.

You can’t walk down the road and see a girl being kidnapped right in front of the eyes and be ignorant about it. And people still are ignorant of such situations or issues.

You obviously can walk down the road if you see a couple fighting because it is their own matter or some men are beating each other because they hit their bikes to each other. Well, I am a girl so I can’t go and stop it. We all can guess how it might turn out. Boys could do, maybe, instead of watching or you can choose to walk away. This is what we see happening almost every day in our day to day life in Mumbai. 😛

I remembered the times I didn’t speak for someone or something happening right in front of my eyes.

There are various reasons we tend to not speak up.

The number one reason we don’t speak because we are afraid if we may cause harm to ourselves by speaking up.

Or verbal fights may turn into violence.

Or we just don’t have enough confidence and back ourselves up.

It’s alright.  Even I have been there before.

 

 

I want you to remember if you have seen anything wrong happening on the streets and you have just ignored and walked off?

I have done this many time but then I didn’t realize how important it was to not be ignorant and help.

We see people live streaming when someone is being beaten up rather than going for help.

Is this how we want to make an example of ourselves in this world?

 

After that incident, many thoughts came into my mind.

How I didn’t sort out a simple fight happening in front of me.

How I didn’t do anything when a person was throwing stones at a cat in front of me.

How I didn’t rush for help when it was needed.

 

I am not forcing anyone here to make these changes or do huge things. I just want you to know how we can all make this world a better place if we start speaking for each other.

You can take small steps like

“Not throwing garbage on the streets.”

“Choosing to end the fighting among women on trains.”

“If anyone at work is talking behind an employee’s back in front of you, you can choose to shut them up or walk away.” Your choice.

Our future depends upon uniting and bringing love when there are difficult times in front of you.

We can’t sit and watch what’s happening around the world.

There are too many things taking place which are bad for our society and this planet and we can choose to speak on it.

The power of social media is amazing.  With one post and message whole world unites to fight the evil.

Use that if need be. But only for the good.

We need more love in this world and fewer misunderstandings and that is the cause of fights most of the time.

I have been silent for so long.

Even still now I struggle with taking steps to speak but I am doing these changes in myself bit by bit.

 

I am not ignoring when someone throws garbage outside.

I am not ignoring where the world is moving towards.

I am not ignoring the toxic things people say and laugh.

 

I am speaking up for the good of the people and the planet.

 

“I can’t be a sinner in silence and what I want to be is someone who is speaking up even if it is for small things. “

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Simple Act of Kindness Won’t Do Any Harm

 

“Acts of Kindness:

A random act of kindness, no matter how small, can make a tremendous impact on someone else’s life.”

Roy T. Bennett

 

In mid-afternoon, I was on my way to the office I used to go to work by train and it was a somewhat hottest day, with even the wind coming on my seemed like flames of fire. My body was all hot, everybody around me was frustrated because of the heat and I had thanked myself that I had carried a bottle of water with me.

 

The train had stopped at the station and as it started to move, I saw a lady get on and walking towards me finding a seat for herself. She was breathing heavily, sweat covered over he forehead, her hands were kind of shaking, maybe because she had come running to catch the train. She finally found a seat for herself in front of me and sat.

 

Without giving a second thought I asked her if she would like some water. She had her head down and said “Please”.

 

I gave her and when she drank enough water that could fill her energy up while returning it she thanked me from the bottom of her heart and I could just feel it with her broad smile.

 

I was so glad that only by giving her a small thing she was happy and all way to go.

 

Helping people which drives me more to help the others around me or others in the world. My kindness towards other people either made me the happiest being or ruined me as being too kind of a person.

 

I had helped others around with small things, some were grateful and some were actually cruel to reject me or brush it off which hurt me.

 

I always wondered,” Why aren’t they accepting the things which are most important to them and want something else?”

 

Because I once bought a bottle of water for a beggar, ran behind him to give him and he said “Give me money or go away” even when I said water is what he needs the most right now.

 

I am talking about the beggar experience because I have heard and talked to people saying “Why should we help people or people on the street who just make us go away? Why help when cruelty is all we get?”

 

We all have been there when we offer something and gets rejected, we lose heart to offer something else. Just because we don’t want to get hurt.

 

I have experienced this and you might have too who have tried helping.

 

But no, right now what people around you, the society, or the world needs is kindness more than anything. With all the things going on around the world, more violence, more hate, people being heart-broken, people getting bullied, people experiencing traumas or even a dog by the side of the street whimpering to get him food needs kindness from us people who feel their hearts, who feel the need to help but always end up thinking, “Do they need our help?” or we simply seem to ignore.

 

You know you don’t have to act on the big thing, even small things matter.

 

SMALL THINGS MATTER THE MOST.

 

See an old lady trying to cross the road in traffic, help her.

 

See a woman sitting by the side of the road, give her water.

 

See a person lose her keys or money, help them.

 

Even if you’re going to school, college or to work, just giving 5 minutes of your time to help, trust me, you’ll be doing a lot for them in need.

 

Think like this, you have a big jar for money, for your collections, then keep a jar for an act of kindness. You know how this jar will help you?

 

Before dying you would have done a lot of good deeds and gained smiles of people which would truly help you feel grateful for what you have done in your life. Because while dying material things don’t matter, love from our people and helping other people matters the most.

.
Doing a lot of good deeds without expecting anything from the world, is a true act of kindness.

 

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

Create your website with WordPress.com
Get started