You don’t know where you are at in your story and it’s okay

Am I going through blank pages of my novel or writing every day a new chapter to my life?
To be honest, it felt like my pen had slipped off from my hand and someone unknown had picked it up and had started writing my story.
Less thinking, more drinking to lesser my overthinking, resulting in somewhat boring plots in my story. This was the routine,
Am I really the main character of my own life?
Then what is this main character doing?
Where am I in my story? Where have I headed? The roads ahead I can’t seem to see nor I wanted to think about. It was just me dragging myself to the unknown; too tired or too lazy to think of what lies ahead of me or what I wanted to create for myself.
Pondering myself to the character I wanted to be, I was still nowhere near her. And it felt like a distant dream in my story.
This leads to another self-depreciative question.
Will my story ever be complete? Or even will I reach half of it? Will someone be interested to be included within those chapters or would want to be highlighted parts in my story to come back to again and again?
What if some people could be those bookmarks that will make me remember am I on the right path? Or will it be just me to bookmark my journey towards the end alone?
Who will be with me till the end? Where will I be in the end? What am I going to do till the end?
I still don’t know yet.
I still don’t know what is going in my current chapter or how much time it will take to reach the next chapter of my life.
But what I do know is I can’t give my pen to someone else to write those sentences or chapters for me.